Highlights
Someone says, "That behaviour is immoral and wrong." But from another perspective, that behaviour is moral and right. So, essentially, the person is just saying, "I don't like it."
Every statement anyone says could be prefaced with a disclaimer: "From my limited point of view, based only on what I've experienced..." But they don't need to say that. Instead, we need to know that, and hear it that way.
People find facts to support their argument on any debatable topic or view of the world. Facts can be true, while the perspective is not.
People communicate for social and emotional reasons. Nobody bonds over facts. They have more incentive to share their thoughts, which are never necessarily true.
Stop judgements as that will help both of you distinguish between the facts the feelings.
Judgement is usually just expressing their unmet expectations. So the statement tells you more about the accuser, and almost nothing about the accused.
Get the dry facts, with no interpretation. What's left are the feelings and meanings. We can't change what happened, but we can change the meaning we give it, which changes how we feel about it.
Rules can be ignored. Breaking a rule can be rational and moral, if you understand the rule's purpose, and no one is harmed.
Obligations aren't true. The people saying it's your obligation really just want you to do something. But instead of saying "I want", they'll blame a higher legitimacy. It's manipulative.
Actions have no inherent meaning.
When someone tells you what something means, it's never true because it's not the only answer.
Manners, norms and meanings are never true.
Our ancestors had reason to be wary, and survived by being suspicious. But once we learn the reason, cause, or origin of someone's behaviour or belief, we can start to feel empathy and connection. When someone believes something that seems crazy to you, consider what incentives, from their point of view, make that belief useful. It helps you separate the person and the actions — to see their beliefs not as who they are, but as something they're currently holding for a purpose.
When asked for an explanation, the brain invents a reason and completely believes it.
People's motives are unknowable, even to themselves. Let go of the need for a reason. Ignore their explanations. The only true facts are their actions.
Memories feel like facts, but they're not. People don't doubt their memory, but you should.
The past is not true. The tiniest misunderstanding long ago, amplified through time, leads to giant misunderstandings in the present.
We never have all the information — only interpretation. One story based on the point of view: that's what we call "the past".
Science isn't true. Scientists learn about existing findings, question them, and try to supersede them. It's better to be curious than correct. It's intellectual humility.
The most accurate theory is not always the most useful. And a rule of thumb can be far from true, but good enough to get you where you need to go.
We're held back not by raw facts, but by the meanings we give them.
You are the strange one. For hundreds of years, people worshipped Zeus, Athena, Odin and Thor. Now we call it mythology. But when it comes to our own beliefs? No no no! Those are just true! Only *others* beliefs are myths and superstitions.
Since you know other people's beliefs aren't true, you have to realise that yours are also not true.
Beliefs have a purpose. They help us adopt a perspective or identity. They help us take action, or cooperate with others. The only problems is when we confuse belief with reality, and insist that something is absolutely true because we believe it.
All beliefs are make believe.
When someone says, "I believe...", then whatever they say next is not true. If it was a fact, there would be no need to declare a belief.
You say "I believe" when it's not a fact that everyone can see. Since people view it differently, you share *your* perspective on how *you* see it.
A belief is something you think is true, without proof. A fact is an objective reality — something proven true — verified with conclusive evidence.
No beliefs are true. If a believe was proven true, it would no longer be a belief.
The more emotional the belief, the less likely it's true. As if the amount of emotion measures the truth of the belief. Maybe it measures the opposite. If it was absolutely objectively true, there would be no need to get upset. You could just point to the conclusive proof.
Instead, you mind be using the word "believe" to mean "my identity depends on this". Especially if you feel the need to tell everyone your beliefs.
Your first thought is an obstacle. You need to get past it. Outsmart it. Your instinct never goes away. But let you wisdom have the final say.
Change the image in your mind, and that will change your emotions and actions.
Ideas and beliefs are tools. Choose them for the desired effects.
Beliefs create emotions. Emotions create actions. Choose a belief for the action it creates.
Which belief is right? Wrong question. Which belief leads to the action you need now?
The Latin root of "religion" (religio) means "obligation". Following a religion means doing, not just believing.
Beliefs exist to guide your actions. If you're not acting in alignment with your beliefs, you've missed the point of beliefs.
True is the enemy of useful.
Which story helps you do what you need to do, be who you want to be, or feel at peace?
Meanings are entirely in your mind. But their effect on you is real.
Meanings are internal, not external. They're yours, not others.
You choose your reaction. Not the first one, but the next.
Beliefs are often self-fulfilling. Whether you think you can or can't, you're right.
Be direct. What do you really want? And what's the point of wanting that?
Test first. No matter how certain you feel, test an idea in reality. Before deciding, try it.
Be healthy. Ask your idealised highest self how to act healthy.
Nobody leaves a great relationship.
You can do anything. But you can't do everything. You have to decide. If you don't decide, you get nothing.
No choice is the best in itself. A choice becomes the best because you choose it.
Others will say that your choice is wrong. That's not true. It's wrong because it's not what they would have chosen. It's not for them, or anyone else. It's not even for your future or past. It's only for you, and only for now.
You are your actions. Your actions are you. Your self image doesn't matter as much.
When you realise what you need to do, it doesn't mean that's who you need to be. You can just pretend!
Avoiding sadness is like listening to music with only major chords. The minor chords are so beautiful.